Restoring Our Humanity
The future is an infinite succession of presents,
and to live now as we think human beings should live,
in defiance of all that is bad around us,
is itself a marvelous victory.
— Howard Zinn
A few evenings ago I went to a presentation about Restorative Justice (RJ). It wasn't an abstract talk about how we need to move away from a criminal justice system based on punitive action to a system that supports accountability and healing. Instead it was deeply personal because the presenter is a friend, Johnny, whose dear wife, Yvonne, had been killed in a car-pedestrian accident.
The driver, a young woman named Destiny, hadn't seen Johnny and Yvonne walking on a crosswalk at an intersection. She hit both of them, Yvonne fatally. Johnny and his daughters could have channeled their anger and grief into prosecuting Destiny to the fullest extent of the law. But instead they chose to spend a year and a half going through an intensive restorative justice process with Destiny and two experienced RJ facilitators. "We were clear we didn't want to wreck yet another person's life because of this accident," Johnny said.
They all agreed to turn this awful tragedy into an opportunity to meet each other on a human level and to find common understanding. The result of this dedicated work has been profoundly healing for not only for Johnny and his daughters, but for Destiny as well. They are now sharing their experience to educate audiences around the country about the power and effectiveness of RJ.
I bring up this story in the context of coaching because RJ is all about being accountable and tending to relationships, which is the essence of coaching as well. Though most of us (thankfully) will never have to face a situation as painful as a wrongful death, we still go through our lives often condemning (at least in our minds and hearts) people we feel have wronged us. We never find a way to turn that anger and frustration into a chance to heal and gain greater understanding of ourselves and others. It takes courage to face our own emotions and look at how our choices impact others. It takes fortitude to open our hearts again and again, when it feels easier to simply close down and cut off.
It's important to note that RJ is a very structured practice that takes formal training to learn. But in coaching, we also employ the RJ principle of coming to terms with our actions and learning what we can do to build, rather than further undermine, our connections with others. Being accountable, making amends, and practicing how to transform patterns that no longer serve us into heart-based, authentic relationships — both in our professional and personal lives — is what it’s all about. We can defy "all that is bad around us," as Howard Zinn wrote, and instead live in ways that repair and restore ourselves, each other and our common humanity. That is indeed the most "marvelous victory" of all.
With Cedar Wise, you too can experience more of this kind of victory — the only kind that leads to deepening wisdom and connection with all those in our lives. Set up a free “discovery session” today!
— written and published by Elise Miller, Cedar Wise Coaching LCC, August 1, 2022