Failure or Feedback?

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways

that don’t work.”

— Thomas A. Edison

I love this quote by Edison. Variations of this appear in multiple books, podcasts and trainings on leadership and personal growth these days. Even in neurolinguistics, it's taught that "whatever comes up is feedback, not failure."  I couldn't agree more, but geez, I can still find it hard to consistently approach life in this way.

Just last week I was learning to hang glide. (Yes, I know…at my age some might suggest knitting would be a better hobby to try, but at least I was smart enough to do this on the sand dunes in Kitty Hawk where the Wright brothers took their first flights, rather than off a cliff.) The instructor repeated the relatively simple commands we needed to learn several times. What could go wrong? Well, on my first flight, I did a near face plant in the sand at the bottom of the hill. First thought that flashed in my mind: "I failed."

Where does that judgmental inner voice come from? I certainly learned early on that failure of any kind, even when it was my very first time trying something, was not only "bad," but it somehow implied a lack of intelligence or character as well. I began to believe that if I couldn't get it right immediately, then I shouldn't try at all. Of course with that attitude, Edison would never have invented the lightbulb….

Fortunately, through the years, that critical voice has faded -- and in the case of my recent hang gliding experience, after that millisecond thought of failure, I laughed out loud at myself and then I trudged back up the dune. On subsequent attempts, I kept making small shifts in how I moved my body in response to changes in wind and altitude until I felt like I was truly getting the knack of flying. What a joy!

Of course that's an innocuous example compared to when a major relationship or professional project goes completely and painfully awry. When I look back at all the times I feel I have messed up or made decisions that didn't go at all as intended, the blaring neon sign in my mind of "Failure! Failure! Failure!" has dimmed significantly. For the most part, what now comes to mind is a gentler voice: "Oops, that didn't go so well. Good effort though. Now what can I learn from this? How can I do that more effectively next time?"

This is of course a practice. And needs to be coupled with a commitment to repairing any harm our actions or inactions may have caused others. Over time, though, it does get easier and easier to take in the feedback of so-called failures with humility, accountability and humor. And those can motivate you to keep trying another 9,999 times...until the lightbulb in your own head and heart turns on.

Want to reframe what you see as failures into opportunities to create a better world for yourself and all those in your life? Let's work together! Set up a free “discovery session” today.

— written and published by Elise Miller - July 5, 2022